Going green!

Was green with envy yesterday when i realised that my friend's college is reopening only during the 3rd week of august!
Poor me, have to start suffering two weeks before him!
So,I have done my bit for the planet!
Have you?

go green, save the planet!
(look, even the arrow has turned green, in a bid to save our planet!)


P.S- On a serious note, i've really started conserving Water, Electricity,BLAH,BLAh,etc...
try to contribute in your own way by doing so too!
after all, facebook has told me that i will die due to political assasination!

how will i die?
Political Assassination

Your obsession with power will eventually be the end of you when you're shot down by members of your own cabinet. Rough way to go. We recommend writing up a good will, and shredding any documents that might paint you as a shady character. The last thing you need is your political legacy being destroyed when greedy relatives ransacking your mansion discover that you plagiarized your book report in fourth grade.

i dont want climate change to prove the prophecy wrong by drowning me in the waters of the ever rising oceans!
so guys, "meri aur facebook ki izzat bachao"(protect facebook and my honour) and do ur bit atleast so that i may die a honourable death as predicted by facebook!

Tagged....a sad day in my life!!

this is a supposedly popular tag doin the rounds....hopefully it "leaves " me soon!
all thanks to Mr _____


Q: How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?

A: at this point of time,my wallet is not with me.
but,lemme check....i've got 476 Rs....

Q: What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

A:BOAR,SOAR,POUR,etc...
sentence with these words-the BOAR SOARED after it POURED out its inner contents!!:P
makes no sense at all1

Q: Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

A: a CALL Centre no...

Q: What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

A: im a simple guy...just a high frequency buzzer for me!really hurts people's ears if ur not accustomed to it..
Q: What are you wearing right now?

A: clothes and some food stuck on it!

Q: Do you label yourself?

A: no,im not a goat..

Q: Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently own?

A: NIKE,REEBOK and an unbranded one...

Q: Bright or Dark Room?
A: Bright always..they should notice me...for that they need light!

Q: What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
A: the same that he thinks of himself,i.e, that he's shorter than me..

Q: What does your watch look like?

A: looks like my face when light falls on it and i see my reflection.

Q: What were you doing at midnight last night?

A: played FIFA, put peace, chatted, laughed....did not sleep though!

Q: What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

A:VM-TONES
PLZ CALL 50777 FOR FREE CALLERTUNES!

Q: What’s a word that you say a lot?

A: i actually think that i use the the word actually too much.
Q: Who told you he/she loved you last? (Please exclude spouse, family, and children)

A: My friend,when i helped him out with his comp problem!

Q: Last furry thing you touched?

A: my hair!

Q: Favorite age you have been so far?

A: Kaliyug!!

Q: What was the last thing you said to someone?

A: yeah!

Q: The last song you listened to?

A:some arbit song which was played when i tried to connect to a new internet radio channel..seemed to be latin.
Q: Where did you live in 1987?

A: i was homeless...i was'nt born thennni did'nt have a home!! :(

Q: Are you jealous of anyone?

A: Yes,myself

Q: Is anyone jealous of you?
A: wait a min.,..let me confirm..
yes,atleast 1 person is!

Q: Name three things that you have on you at all times?

A: My eyes, my nose and my clothes(mouth and ears are optional)

Q: What’s your favorite town/city?

A: the garden city BANGALORE!

Q: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

A: i posted a letter to the company i had to go to for an internship even though i had'nt written it!

Q: Can you change the oil on a car?

A: dont think so...but,i can change a car on oil!

Q: Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

A: that she has'nt heard about me!

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?

A: Yes… My heart...after the last question..

Q: What is your current desktop picture?

A: a picture of the cross section of a tree..

Q: Have you been burnt by love?

A: not yet....closest was when i was burnt by boiling water!

messages and codes as useless as me!

these are some classic ones which i happened to go through when i was browsing:- enjoy...

1. Keyboard error (press F1 to resume)
2. Error: this can't happen!
   

3. if ($x == 1) {
      # do something
   } elsif ($x == 2) {
      # do something else
   } else {
      confess "should't be here!"
   }

4. OK
5. In Linux, in single-user mode, the login system isn't working. Therefore, when you try to use logout or exit, you get:

   You don't exist.  Go Away.

6. There is a firewall application that reports errors and access violations when attempting to connect to various resources. If it cannot even identify the resource in question, it simply spits out ...

   "FooFar detected access violation error while trying to access the unknown."

7. in a Win32 app report
   

   BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH

8. in an administration shell. The prompt looked like a normal unix prompt so people invariably ended up typing 'ls' in it. To which it would reply, "You're not in unix any more Toto."
9. Fatal error, unable to continue: Life is good
10. Windows classics:

    "Error: The operation completed successfully."
    "Fatal error code 0: No error."

birth control-amazing solution.

i just could'nt control myself from putting this up....
our honorable health min has come up with a novel method for birth control in rural areas.
his suggestions:-
1)marry after the age of 25(this one is acceptable)
2)supply continous electricity to villages so that people can watch TV!!!!
yes, thats true!!
he believes that if people watch TV till late in the night,they'll get too tired and forget about other "activities"..like giving birth to children!!!
SO INGENIOUS!!
KUDOS to the health minister...
instead of believing in"spare the rod and spoil the child"; he believes in
"don't spare the TV and STOP the child"!!


“If there is electricity in every village then people will watch TV till late night and then fall asleep. They won't get a chance to produce children. When there is no electricity there is nothing else to do but produce babies,” said Azad at a population control conference.

a new experience-a wonderful one too!

let me begin this post by telling that over the last two months,I've learnt a helluva lot of stuff, and i have also realized that optimism is the key to success....

the reason behind me getting such different feelings(coz usually i only feel like cracking jokes and acting like an idiot!) is because i spent the last two months undergoing "industrial training"!
the place where i underwnt the aforementioned excercise was at ERC,TATA motors...
initially,it felt like like it was going to be an effort gone waste.travelling 20 kms to and fro every day,working from 8 to 6, having terrible mess like food....the list goes on.
to add to my woes, due to the secretive nature of such r&d labs, they cant afford to let you see too much.the first week went away with me still sitting with the project's analytical paperwork.
more importantly, i did not know even 10% of the stuff which i required for my project.
i almost felt like quitting..
but,i held on, and what a good choice i made that day.
the next week onwards, work came, not in truckloads, but substantial amounts.this left me with enough time everyday to explore the huge factory..
i learnt a lot everyday, made a lot of new friends( and gave a lot of photographs :D).but, most importantly, i finished my project on time and with better than expected results and extra baggage in my skull!?(my mom atleast now cant blame me for losing weight!)
as this was the first time i had actually worked in any organisation, that too such a huge one, finishing my project on my own gave me immense satisfaction.
I just wanted to express these thoughts somewhere, and what better place to do it on than on a blog..
serioulsly though, I'm confident that i've learnt at least as much as i've learnt over the last two years in my institute over the last two months here...and that includes everything about life, not just the knowledge part.
but, let me warn you through a "saying/fart statement" of mine:-

"Success is a door with many locks, you need to have all the keys to it to open it".

so,plain optimism won't do,couple it with other essentials too.

btw, i think i'm getting too philosophical these days,or rather, my philosophical side is opening up...
for all those who did not like this post and preferred my initial fart posts, dont worry, life is a cycle,my nextpost will hopefully contain enough fart to extinguish the whole planet!
cheers!!!
p.s:-feels great when thoughts flow freely from your mind onto your pen! heaven!

End of a torturous era!

well,let me start this post by telling that the above title is by no means a catchphrase or some arbit s***...
this sem was really torturous.the intensity,the work,the RG,the exams...all of this almost made me insane and more importantly,all the more irritable.
but,now, i can hold my head high and return,for i have survived a semester which seemed to be as long as the Ice age.
in a few weeks time,ill come to know whether i came out with flying colours or i came out stuttering having broken my wings and scrapped the shine off..
hope its the former situation which will prevail!!

Cheers too the end of the "Ice age"!!!!!

NOT SO FOND MEMORIES..

Was just thinking about inter iit(=>which is the sports competition between all IIT's!)....not many fond memories from those 17 days...
the rigorous camp preceding the tournament...
the losses we suffered in the tournament leading to our ousting in FRONT of our home Crowd...
me cupping(=>playing like an idiot) majarly(=>to the maximum extent possible) on my birthday(in a crunch match!!)!!
all these factors just combined exponentially to make it a forgettable december for me...
buy,as they say,no time can be a completely bad time!!!
i do have a couple of fond(more importantly ,FUNNY!) memories..

We had march-past practice everyday after our respective sports practice..
this was supposed to be the first year when march-past would also count for points in the overall championship..
it was really painful...
but,one memory really remains in my head...
on the 1st day of practice,most of us wore our sandals to practice for march-past....
a few air force officers had been called to put fundaes(basically,pain) to us on good march-past ...
the officers got pissed on seeing us in sandals..but,they were not the kind of people who would shout out or express their displeasure vocally...
so,they went about explaining to us the point that we had to wear shoes and not sandals to march..
just then,one of the officers told- "If you don't wear shoes,when you stamp your foot down after every step,you will get a SPERM"
HEARING THIS,Our whole contingent(which was anyways looking for excuses to laugh and waste time) burst out laughing!!!!!

the second funny memory is that of one of my friends getting embarassed in "public" thanks to me...
we were in the mess...he was standing in line behind me...
i was standing with my shoulder to him...
by "mistake",i turned around and my elbow hit his shoulder(i am supposed to be tall!!)...the poor guy lost his balance....he was resting on the railing ...he toppled on it and went into a monkey like posture ...the part of his legs below his knees was on one side of the railing and his body was on the other side with his hands tightly gripping the railing...
instead of helping him,i just stood there and started laughing(thereby,directing even more attention at my friend..).

i felt bad later on and "apologized" to him by teasing him even more about that incident!
but,i must admit ,i did feel bad..(albeit in a funny way)




btw,for all those who did'nt get it...the SPERM which the air force officer was talking about was actually a SPRAIN!!

A Smile...seems like it comes just for miliseconds...

well,the more and more you see people these days,you realize that what i've written above is very true...
infact,it seems like a smile is a compromise you make to make the other guy happy...(and it's really worth it)
for example,recently,we had our quizzes(infact,it's still going on!!)....one of my exams had assumed gigantic proportions...
Inside my head,it was more like a blast waiting to happen....
the day before the exam,i decided to put full fight.
with my friend(warrior),i decided to mug throughout the night.
we stayed up all night and just about finished on time...(at this point i would like to thank "warrior",if not for him,i would'nt have finished...btw,he told the same thing to me.this proves that teamwork really helps if you don't RG a person)
infact,we finished a fair bit earlier than expected...(40 min earlier?)
we decided to put fart by watching an episode of heroes...
after this...we it was 7 am...we performed our usual rituals(brushing,bathing,eating,etc) and left for the exam..
8:00 am-i see the paper for the first time...looks fairly easy(thanks to the amount i mugged!!)...
8:20-finish a fair bit...i'm thrilled.
8:45-finish the paper...expecting around 23/25...(which ill be more than happy with)
9:00-done with the paper...head off for the next lecture...feelin ecstatic :D
9-30-reaalise that i've made 2 silly calculation mistakes---4 more marks gone...
10:15-am forced to realise by my "friend (Alxx)" (forgive me guys)that i've lost 7 marks more...
10:30-after some depression...finall accept the fact that i am going to get only XX which is far less than what i wanted/expected...the smile vanishes...remain in the same mood for 3 more days...
one of my friends
too faced a similar situation the next day....

all this just made me realize how tough it is to smile wholeheartedly...it takes just a whimper to remove that smile...and along with that goes our mental happiness for some time....

p.s-the moral of the story is that all you people out there should be grateful to me for spreading cheer through my "JOKES"...(although might "sometimes" be poor/painful,etc!!)


bye,
hold on to that smile whatever happens..
it really helps you,and the others even more. [:)]

"trying to be muggu" =>me....and my muggu mania!!

well,,i've been mugging(dats what i think)/tryin to mug(thats what the others think) for the last few days...quizzes are currently on....
no time for timepass!!!
hv 2 mug seriously atleast now...
will most probably resume bloggin on 22-24rth....


a parting shot-
1)this world is very unfair,
my history teacher(4 yrs ago) did not believe me when i told her that the reason my answer was wrong was because i wanted to see what will happen if i changed the "course" of history!!!(this was an instantaneous thought then,but the teacher was even more instantaneous in her response.i got a lesson on the bad "consequences " of trying to change history...)
btw , is'nt history supposed to be a man's story(his-story),and being a man,i had all the
right to put my own story and call it history....


2)this i feel is a studd thought, i got it just now----

god keeps exams in schools/colleges when we grow up so that we have enough practice for the final exam about himself which we write after we die...
that is why as we grow older,we try to cram more religious stuff into our heads...after all,nobody wants to fail in their "final" exam...

a "high" line!!

thought of this joke when i was forced to go to the first floor to get a volleyball which i had thrown there....



=>a was telling his friend"god is calling me to come above to heaven........but the signals are not too strong...in the sense that i don't feel them too strongly...but,i can't isobey him.what do i do?"



the friend replied:-


















"go to the first floor,that way youll be partly satisfying his partly strong signals"[:P]





p.s-if anybody needs a weapon to kill himself after this,come to me,i'll pepper you with more such painfull stuff....


it'll definitely be a "quick and painless" death...

back to what i'm best at...

i just could'nt stop myself from posting this....
here is a sample of the way my brain works.....


=>my friend was kinda pissed with me...he told me

"तू एक बुरा कहिका बन गया ....."
मैंने बोला "हाँ बे ,मैं कहीं का नहीं रहा "!!!
my friend just broke into an instant mix of laughter and sorrow....
ah!!that feeling...


=>this is a homegrown joke....

a population expert went to a village as its population was exploding although they were supposedly following हम दो हमारे दो... the expert was baffled...
he went and spoke to a villager.......the villager told him "yes sir,we are following the हम दो हमारे दो program..."
then,the expert asked-how is it that your population is then blasting off the roof??
the villager replied "i don't know sir,i follow the program properly....








i have two kids with my wife and then my wife has two kids with me!!!!!"

studd poem...(ie,if you are a mosquito!)

i saw dis poem on my cell a loooooooong time ago n i still remember it even though i deleted it long ago frm my cell...

p.s-even id ur not a mosquito,u can read this...it'll help u understand the mentality of a mosquito thereby helping you achieve your aim of killing a mosquito which you hav not been able to kill till now until this poem came along and helped you...
waitin for your thanks....

machchar ka gaana-
bhige pankh mere,
pyasa dank mera,
lage amrut saa,
mujhe khoon tera,
kabhi mere saath,koi raat guzaar,
tujhe subah tak main,kar doon bimaar!!
o o ohooooooooooo...
" " "....

coming up

in a few days,ill post a poem abt mr C.R.......(all those dumba**es who did'nt understand plz wait for the post).
P.S-google,i hope u can can forgive me for the "obscene" language i've
used...if u really think this is obscene,plz remove aloo's blog b4 removin mine...trt assured![:P]

Inspiration...

i forgot to mention who's responsible for rekindling my poetic
"skills" after 3 years.
well,the credit goes to a certain Mr N.R.B,Mr A.G And Mr SM...
(Who shall remain mysterious to all non mech junta so as to keep my head on my shoulders!)
thank you F and D slots!!!

poetic criticism...

well,i actually did'nt plan 2 put these poems here..or for that matter anywhere public...
but then,my greed for new posts[:D] and on my friends insistence,i've decided 2 post it here...

but ,before i begin... a small warning:-IF THE FOLLOWING CONTENT OFFENDS ANYONE,I'M HAPPY THAT IT DID BECAUSE IT'S MEANT TO,seriously though , it was just written for fun and tp..
i actually wrote the first four lines in a serious mood... but,the last word in the first para changed my feelings and i changed the topic in response to my change in feelings....
i've still included in the poem though,albeit as a prologue sorta thing.

(the xx is to hide the guys identity and save his face)

ALXX.

PROLOGUE:-

Life is full of ups and downs,
with no regard for morality,
where people like me are treated like clowns,
while others appreciate brutality.....

MAIN "COURSE"

I Say this not coz i am me,
but only because i can see,
that this world is filled with people like alXX,
who likes to ask doubts,even in the loo...

i think he's got a fat injection,
to make him look like an ALXX's projection.
god only knows what else he could be,
could he be a fat idiot sitting on a tree?

by which i mean,is he an ape?
whose only job on earth is to make others gape,
with fear ,of course, they'll look at him,
waiting for the day when somebody will burst him with a pin.

i hope that day comes sooner rather than later,
as god only knows,how much more i can bear his slow chatter!!
o god,i beseech thee,reduce our earth's wieght,
plz remove alXX,by showing on as a bait!!!

never ever yours sincerely,
the god of small things.
(am i not supposed to be tall?)